I Love You More as You Were Then

In prayer he shows me, one by one, the pain of my past.
There I am, praying and weeping at every moment that was truly hard;
I sang praises till my throat was raw.
And the songs I sang each of those times…
“Do you know why I showed you the times you struggled most?”
“God, it is so hard for me to look back on those times.”
“Even so, what I love most is you leaning wholly on me whenever life was hard.
More than who you are today, I love the one who wept and prayed, leaning on me wholly—
the one you were then.”

I could not say a word to him.

“Again and again I tell the people of Israel of the Exodus and the crossing of the Red Sea,
repeating it so they will not forget those days,
because I love them as they were then, relying on me completely.
Do not forget those days.
You are who you are now because of those days.
Just as Israel exists because of the time they lived by faith…”

God’s heart reaches me, warm.
God knows the pain of his children crying out in trouble and anguish,
and still he longs to be loved by them.
God does not change… but we are forever changing.
I, who pleaded in tears because life was so hard;
I, who clung to God alone because I could not see tomorrow—
he makes me sing the hymns I once sang in tears, and tells me not to forget;
he says he loves me as I was, looking to him alone with all my heart…
So sorry, so grateful, I pray to him in tears,
asking him to give me, too, a love that does not change, like his…