Appendix 10. The Size of Love

Everyone longs to be loved. We think that as much as I love the other person, I naturally ought to be loved back. When you look at the problems love causes, most of the time one side thinks it has given love while the other side feels starved for love it has not received, and complains. To give an easy example, when snow falls from the sky, children run outside and, whether it is big flakes or sleet, they all say it is snowing. But being out in big flakes and being out in sleet feel very different, don’t they? Big flakes cover everything in white: the dirty road, the heaps of garbage, the colors of the cars. But sleet dirties everything, even the clean road and the car you have just washed. Love is the same. Once you have decided to give love, you should give it generously, like big snowflakes, so that the other person has love to enjoy and to spare. But a stingy person gives snow like sleet, and then asks why, when they have given love, the other person is so thirsty for more and complains. It is probably because they think they have given.

Big flakes and sleet are both snow, but you must know that the two are not the same. You must pour love on the person who wants it until they feel warm, buried in love like big snowflakes. Then that snow will melt and run like a brook and refresh them. The people nearby will be refreshed by the sound of the brook running, and their laughter will gather into happiness. Love like sleet will only make it hard for the one who receives it. The other person really is giving love, yet the one receiving it always feels empty, thirsty and unhappy. When you cover even the other person’s faults and complaints, like big snowflakes, so that they feel at peace, they will say on their own that they are happy, without your even asking.

That love is the love of God. He is our Father, who pours out his love on his children from his own side until they say of their own accord that they are happy and thankful. If you do just as God does, then those who receive your love will be able to see God through it.