True Love and False Love

There is love that expects something in return, and there is unconditional love. People who give love expecting a return give it only when there is something in it for them, so if they do not get back as much as they expected, that love gradually loses its light. People who expect a return find no satisfaction, so they cannot be happy, and their unhappy feelings end up wearing out the other person too. That is why, as time goes on, no one is left around them to help. When people give love for their own gain, it feels like tossing a small pebble into a river. There is no sense of reward, so the love does not last long, and even the relationship drifts apart. Such people cannot be satisfied with anything, not only with love, so their lives will be empty. True love should be like Jesus sacrificing himself to save us: its goal must be that the one who receives my love turns back to God. But because human calculation comes first, such love instead gets in the way of the other person’s life and even their faith.

But people who love sincerely approach others wanting to help them, so unless the other person betrays them, the result is always good. They hope the love they give will help the other person grow and be settled, and they have no thought of getting back what they gave. That is why they can give true love.

The results will show whether a person gives love out of a heart that passes on to neighbors the love received from God, or only imitates love out of human calculation. Look at people. Some seem to give very little, yet there are always many people around them; others seem always to be giving love, yet they are alone. This shows that people know whether the love they receive comes from a sincere heart or is a love that wants something back.

Even between parents and children, brothers and sisters, and friends, if you think you must be repaid as much as you gave, your heart grows impatient and empty. If you struggle when others do not respond as much as you gave, and get angry when they do not repay you as many times as you gave, that is already not love. When you share with the neighbors you love the gifts you received freely from God, God will fill you to overflowing, and like a spring welling up, even after you share there will be more to share. For God pours out more blessing on a contented heart.

I have seen someone like this. They complained that they had given gifts twice before, so why had they received only one, and grumbled that they had given something that cost so much but had received something cheaper. It is better to keep such people at a distance. As I see it, they seem to have completely forgotten the love and the gifts they received and think only of what they gave. When people are gripped by the thought that others are not repaying their kindness, from that moment their hearts become like hell. Then they cannot keep good relationships, not because the other person has changed but because their own heart has changed. Of course, we should not give gifts too much for our own satisfaction. If the other person feels hurt or let down on receiving a gift, it is already not a gift. It is good to give something that is precious enough to you as well, prepared with the other person in mind. Giving something you do not need, something past its expiration date, or something you only hate to throw away shows in itself a character that is not right.

There are also people of a peculiar temperament. When others are poorer than they are or run into hardship, they are sincerely good to them, but when others do better than they do or something good happens to them, these people get angry and cut them off. Then when those others, thinking the relationship is finally over, reach out again because trouble has come, these people sincerely help and embrace them again. In other words, they gladly help only when others are always beneath them and in hardship. There are people who, like God, give love unconditionally and without calculation. But people who form relationships only when there is something to gain for themselves, and only with those beneath them, are admitting that they themselves are lacking. When we form relationships with a somewhat wider heart, they will last.

In 1 Samuel 18, Saul had exactly the kind of temperament I have been describing. Saul was unhappy because of envy and jealousy whenever he was not recognized more than others. But David did not concern himself with people; he paid attention to how God would lead in all things and obeyed his word. Saul was a man who fundamentally disliked sacrificing himself, sharing, and seeing others rise. If you work with someone like this, it starts well at first out of need, but in the end both of you will be hurt and part ways. Because he was always self-centered, he would not tolerate David being recognized by the people, even though he himself was king.

Human beings have an instinct to show that they are superior. But when people display their own sense of superiority, rather than being lifted up by others, that in itself proves they are small-hearted. Such people are weak to praise, like receiving more than giving, grow proud when things go well for them, and struggle when things go well for others. This is how people behave when they have an inferiority complex. People with an inferiority complex are uncomfortable whenever they are not recognized more than others, and rather than listening, they seize every chance to teach others, so relationships with them are hard to keep up.

Just as a balloon rises of itself when you blow air into it, Saul would have been respected by the people if he had simply fulfilled well the role of king God had entrusted to him. Even if the people followed David, Saul was already king, so he had nothing to worry about, yet he was always on edge. Saul acted this way because, even in a high position, he knew he was small-hearted, and so he could not tolerate David, who was more big-hearted than he. If only Saul had admitted he was small-hearted and asked David for help, he would have remained king of Israel forever. A king is a king even when he is humble, and a king is a king even when he does not put on kingly airs. When a king goes out in disguise to see how the people are doing, he is still the king though he wears plain clothes. So if Saul had sat in a low seat when everyone gathered, people would have urged him to take a high seat. For the people acknowledged that Saul was king. But small-hearted people try to exalt themselves, so when others are capable and talented, they cannot embrace them, and they expose their own lack. Failure follows such people like a fixed law.

When people have room in their hearts to acknowledge others’ talent and ability, they stop being wary of others and instead gain the wisdom to make use of their abilities. The more capable the other person is, the more they can use that person’s full ability as a stepping-stone to their own success. But those who, like Saul, refuse to acknowledge anyone who gets ahead of them will be recognized by no one, and above all they will fail, because they do not receive God’s grace. But those who, like David, build up the people beside them can give the same love, because they have received the agape love God gives. They know that love is soft as big, fluffy snowflakes, a thing to be thankful for and glad of, so they do not scatter love thinly like sleet but pour it out beyond what anyone can hold.

God’s love is not a love given to human beings in expectation of a return. It is an absolute love that gives his own life, and that is why it is precious and eternal. I hope you too will love like that. Whoever it may be, I hope you will be the first to give love, without expecting anything back, and that you will forget the love you have given. But if you have received love, you must not forget that grace until the moment you die. People who do not forget the grace and love they have received can do great things, because they know that love can bring a soul to life.

John 14:12

12Most certainly I tell you, he who believes in me, the works that I do, he will do also; and he will do greater works than these, because I am going to my Father.

Jesus said that if they believed in him, he would help them with his own power, and so they could take on greater works than his. This is true love. If you help someone yet feel they must not do better than you, or build them up yet feel they must not grow bigger than you, that is already not love. If you have helped someone, you must sincerely help them so they can grow beyond you. Such a heart is a heart that holds God’s love, and it is the picture of a mature believer who knows true love. Just as parents are not jealous even when their children succeed greatly, helping brothers and sisters in faith grow spiritually is working together for good, and so the kingdom of God can expand. When you do that, God will lift you higher and glorify you, and he will help you live a life without shame.

Because David won his fight with Goliath, he became the center of attention for Saul and all the people of Israel. All the people praised David and lifted him up. Yet though David had rescued Israel from death, Saul was jealous of David, whom the people loved.

In verse 1, when David told Saul that he was the son of Jesse the Bethlehemite, Jonathan, who was listening nearby, came to love David as his own soul. God gave Jonathan that heart. That is why, though he had had no chance to build a special friendship with David, he came to love him as his own soul. For with Saul hating David, the only one who could protect David’s life was Saul’s own son, Jonathan. Only Jonathan, the prince, could know the king’s plans and stop them, and so God placed him at David’s side. So if believers live according to God’s will, they need not fear people or circumstances. Wrestling with how to live according to God’s will is the way believers can live their lives well, and always being content with the life they have now is the secret to a long life.

The one who should have praised and thanked David for saving the nation was Saul. But Saul only saw David as someone to be wary of and did not thank him for the loyalty with which he had saved the nation. For a heart as small as Saul’s could not hold a heart as big as David’s. So when a leader or a superior is small-hearted, that is, without wisdom and without love, the people beside them cannot grow, and their lives are wearisome.

Jonathan’s soul was knit with David’s soul. The words describe a bond as tight as a chain that can never break. In that way Jonathan recognized spiritually the one God had chosen and kept up the relationship on a foundation of trust and love. The more the people praised David, the more Saul tried to kill him, but Jonathan loved and cherished David all the more. As Saul’s heir, Jonathan was the one who should have been wary of David, but he helped him because he knew God had chosen David. Acting as Jonathan did is by no means easy. If you were a prince and someone more outstanding than you appeared, would you hand the throne over to him? You would try to use David’s ability to gain even greater power. But Jonathan truly protected David.

When David returned victorious from the war with the Philistines, the women began dancing and singing as they welcomed Saul. There was no warrior who could defeat Goliath, and the nation was about to be lost. How grateful they must have been to David, who had saved their lives!

In verse 7 they sang that Saul had slain his thousands, and David his ten thousands. Hearing this song, Saul was displeased and began to watch David. If he, the king, was thousands and David ten thousands, it is only natural that as king he was displeased. Who would not feel bad when people honor David, a servant, more than the king, the master of the nation? But if Saul had been wise, he would have raised David’s merit even higher before the people so that David could work all the harder. If God was the king of Israel, then Saul the king and David the servant were both working for God’s glory, so the blessings they enjoyed would be the same. And the borders widened and the spoils taken in every war David won belonged to Saul and to Israel. So Saul should not have raged at what people said; had he lifted David up, the people would instead have exalted and respected Saul.

But people are ruled by emotion before reason. The words that David was ten thousands and he only thousands enraged him, and that anger finally led to his own death and his sons’. This is what worldly people who have not been born again are like. If you worked together with someone under you, and that person was praised and recognized more than you, how do you think you would feel? But if you have wisdom and think once more about the purpose of the work you are doing and why you are working with this person, you will not make that final choice. In the same way, the work we do as believers is God’s work, so if we strive and labor to help one another, God will lift us all up and glorify us.

Saul had no peace because of his jealousy, and Satan used that evil heart to torment him even more. In a sense, it was probably not so much an evil spirit tormenting him as his jealousy and envy toward David that clouded his judgment and made him harbor murder. People who suffer in their minds are in trouble because they cannot let go of what is inside them. Unable to let go of greed, envy, jealousy, or discouragement, they torment themselves and hand that heart over to Satan as his tool.

In verse 12, Saul threw his spear twice to kill David, but seeing that God was with David, he was afraid. Saul tried to kill David, but because God was helping David, it did not go the way Saul wanted. Even a king of the world could never harm David, whom God was helping, and with the wisdom he had received from God, David could foresee Saul’s moves and escape them.

Having failed to kill David, Saul offered to give his eldest daughter Merab to David, telling him to fight the Philistines in return. He calculated that even if he did not kill David himself, David would die in war against the strong Philistines. When David declined Saul’s offer, the elder daughter Merab was married to Adriel, and when Saul heard that his younger daughter Michal loved David, he came up with another scheme. If David brought a hundred foreskins of the Philistines, Saul would marry him to Michal and take him as his son-in-law. To marry Michal, David had to kill a hundred Philistines, so Saul thought once again that David might be killed by them. Saul’s jealousy keeps making places for David to die. In the same way, the world fears believers being loved by God and being saved, and so it tries to kill them spiritually. If it cuts them off from God, the Lord of life, their souls die and they become children of Satan, and that is why it keeps on trying to kill them.

Marrying the king’s daughter meant a comfortable life in the world was guaranteed, so to the people of the world David was someone to envy. But for a child of God to become the son-in-law of a worldly king is to be given more chances to betray God, and so it is nothing to feel safe about. Yet just as Joseph became governor, even if a believer marries a king’s daughter, as long as their faith does not change, that bad situation can become a tool for good.

Saul told David to bring a hundred Philistine foreskins in order to get him killed, but David brought two hundred. David, a child of faith, shut the mouth of Saul, who moved as Satan directed. The wisdom of believers is a tool that tears down Satan’s plans, and it can make Saul, who drives them toward death, ashamed of himself.

Like David, you must act knowing that Satan works to hide God’s glory, and you must know what plan Saul, driven by Satan, is moving on and respond to it. Only then can you live a life without shame. David asked God for the way both when he was in danger and when he was at peace. He prayed about which way his life must go to reveal God’s glory, and he obeyed as he was commanded. That is why he could become the great king who built the united kingdom.

The time Saul spent tormenting David actually turned out to be a great help in David’s life.

Through hardship David met God more deeply, grew wiser in order to block Saul’s plans, and came to love the people around him even more. What matters is not who you live your life with, but where your heart is turned. The actions of the people beside you cannot affect your life. It is fallen leaves that drift along with the water; leaves still attached to the tree never fly about. Those who stay beside God, like David, do not fall however much Saul shakes them, and they do not fly about in the wind Satan blows.

I hope that you too, like David, will have the precious faith that asks God’s will and does it, even when you suffer. Then God will give you the eternal heaven to go to, the wisdom to discern spirits, and co-workers like Jonathan to help you. Those who love God receive love, and those who rely on God receive wisdom.

May you always be precious people who hold the torch of faith high. I bless you in the name of Jesus Christ.

1 Samuel 19:17-24

17Saul said to Michal, “Why have you deceived me thus, and let my enemy go, so that he is escaped?” Michal answered Saul, “He said to me, ‘Let me go! Why should I kill you?’” 18Now David fled and escaped, and came to Samuel at Ramah, and told him all that Saul had done to him. He and Samuel went and lived in Naioth. 19Saul was told, saying, “Behold, David is at Naioth in Ramah.” 20Saul sent messengers to seize David: and when they saw the company of the prophets prophesying, and Samuel standing as head over them, God’s Spirit came on Saul’s messengers, and they also prophesied. 21When Saul was told, he sent other messengers, and they also prophesied. Saul sent messengers again the third time, and they also prophesied. 22Then he also went to Ramah, and came to the great well that is in Secu: and he asked, “Where are Samuel and David?” One said, “Behold, they are at Naioth in Ramah.” 23He went there to Naioth in Ramah. Then God’s Spirit came on him also, and he went on, and prophesied, until he came to Naioth in Ramah. 24He also stripped off his clothes, and he also prophesied before Samuel, and lay down naked all that day and all that night. Therefore they say, “Is Saul also among the prophets?”